by Laura Hess

Annie was a good friend to Susan who had to make an appearance at traffic court and wanted a ride. Annie had been to the courthouse herself recently and had parked in a no-parking zone close to the court house. Since it had not been a problem before, she chose to park there again. She was ticketed and expected Susan to pay the fine since Annie wouldn’t have been anywhere near the courthouse except for doing her friend a favor. The fine was only $25. Annie sued Susan for the fine.

John’s dog jumped off a third floor patio chasing a cat. John had let go of the leash and blamed the landlord for not having built an adequate protective railing. John sued for vet bills and emotional pain. (Amazingly, the dog is okay. Maybe the dog should be suing John!)

Bobby sued his ex-girlfriend for loss of personal property. For months she’d been asking him to come to her home and remove his belongings. Finally, when he didn’t arrive as promised — yet again — to take his things, she gave them to a local charity.

If you’ve watched Judge Judy, you know these are not isolated cases. Two missing qualities shared (apparently) by people who appear before her are lack of common sense and self-responsibility. This is the place to be if you’re looking for somebody else to blame for decisions-gone-sour.

In all of these cases, Judge Judy ruled in favor of the defendants and litigated responsibility and common sense for Annie, John and Bobby. Each one of them was surprised and angry. Why? In each of these cases (and many others Judge Judy rules on) the three “plaintiffs” were looking for absolution for their poor choices and actions.

This is endemic in our society. There is an overwhelming and alarming lack of self responsibility. You can look to any court and hear endless cases where one person blames another for misfortune or hardship and expects restitution. Even in everyday life, you can be witness to examples of people abdicating their responsibility for their own decisions and actions.

There’s the adult child who blames parents when life doesn’t work; the consumer who blames mounting debt on the credit card companies for extending credit; the customer who blames the retailer for a broken appliance not used according to manufactures instructions.

It goes on and on — it’s the government’s fault; they never told me; I couldn’t help it.

Here’s the truth of it: whenever you make a choice, take an action or make a decision, it’s yours! You “own” the outcome, like it or not! It’s nobody else’s “job” to make sure you get what you want. There is no other person standing with you to share the consequences of your decisions.

This means it’s up to you to captain your own ship. It’s not until you take full responsibility for your life that you can guide your path. Look at where you’re not accepting responsibility, where are you blaming others or finding fault outside yourself. Accept the fact you’re the one who created the situation by your choices, decisions and/or actions. There isn’t a right or wrong here. We all do the same thing to some degree until we “unlearn” this behavior. Begin changing your responses now. When something isn’t going according to your plan, look for what created that instead of jumping to point a finger. What part did you play in the outcome? Learn from the event and consequences and move on.

You are always at choice. Your reactions and responses are controlled by your mind. You can choose to blame others for your life’s condition (a waste of your energy) or you can learn and grow from everything happening in your life (an empowering way of being).

I still watch Judge Judy — though not as often. The names and scenarios change without the underlying issues changing. I get tired and bored watching the same thing too often. I still tune in to be reminded of why I do the work I do.

Bottom line for you — YOU are in control of the choices and decisions you make. You are the only one in control of your mind. Nobody else is to blame when things don’t work for you. Nobody else is at fault when you “get in trouble.” Look for the silver lining, the lesson, and move on. What would it be like for you if you KNEW you were the captain of your ship? Imagine!

You can contact Laura Hess at laura@sparckint.com