By Susan Marie Castle

Have you ever asked yourself…"What beliefs do I hold about myself?" This is a powerful question to ask yourself. You might be a bit surprised at what kind of answers come up when you ask yourself this question.

It’s a great question! Several months ago a colleague asked me this same question. I have to be honest and admit this is not something I ask myself very often. However, now that I have begun to re-visit this area of my life…it has been very helpful and enlightening.

I would like to share with you a brief story about one of the beliefs I have held about myself…until recently.

One of my beliefs for many years has been, "When I am alone I am helpless" Where did this belief come from?

BELIEFS FORM AT A VERY YOUNG AGE

Well, it came from an experience I had when I was 5-years-old and in kindergarten. My mom had put me in a carpool for one week out of the entire school year. She needed to be some-where in the afternoons so she thought she would ask a good friend to drive me home from school.

The first day of the carpool, my ride never showed up. I was standing outside the classroom doors, looking out onto a parking lot that was soon becoming an empty black slab of concrete stretching for three city blocks. All the kids had gone, teachers were out of sight and I was ALONE.

I was scared…feeling helpless, lost and doomed! I had no idea how I would get home. I felt an intense feeling of anxiety rush through my body and I began to cry. I didn’t know what to do.

Sitting on the kindergarten steps, all alone and crying, I was sure that my little world had ended. I had no idea of how to help myself…I was too young and too scared to know any different. So I folded my little hands over my face and wept into my lap.

Twenty-Five minutes passed, which seemed like hours, and my car pool ride finally showed up. But it was too late, the trauma had already set in. No matter what my carpool driver said, it didn’t soothe my fear and it didn’t take away my trauma.

The beliefs I held tightly to from that day forward were

• Life is scary when I am ALONE

• When I am ALONE, I am helpless

Silly as they may sound, these beliefs stuck and they began to weave their way throughout much of my life... often without my even knowing it.