How much is a kind word worth? How deeply can a touch
heal? How important are your little interactions with your family, friends, and
clients?
Hairdresser David Wagner learned these answers from a
customer who came to him regularly every month. One day she phoned David in
between her regular visits and asked if he would style her hair for an important
event that evening. David fit her into his schedule and gave her his usual
loving attention. He talked amiably with her, laughed, touched her kindly, and
told her how beautiful she looked. After her session, she smiled and thanked
him.
You can imagine David’s shock when a few days later he
received a handwritten letter from the woman explaining that the important event
she wanted to look good for that evening was her own funeral. She had planned to
commit suicide later that day. When she spent time with David, however, the
kindness he showed her influenced her to change her mind. She decided life was
worth living, and she could go on.
This extraordinary feedback inspired David to reconsider
what he was doing with his work and his life. He realized his purpose with
customers went far beyond cutting hair. Within his own sphere of influence he
had the power to make people’s days - and even lives. So he adopted the
vocation of "Daymaker." Now, as owner of ten successful spas that
treat thousands of people each day, David teaches his employees to see
themselves as daymakers. His inspiring book Life as a Daymaker chronicles his
adventures and techniques.
Never underestimate the power of a kind word or thought.
It may affect one or many people without you even knowing it. Even a gentle
touch can make a huge difference. My friend Rick Jarrow was participating in an
intensive Zen meditation retreat that required him to meditate many hours a day
in rigorous conditions. One morning Rick decided this was too hard, and he would
leave the retreat after the morning silent walking meditation practice. During
the walk, a student behind Rick gently placed his hand on Rick’s shoulder.
"In that touch," Rick told me, "I felt totally comforted and
encouraged. It was as if my friend was saying, ‘I know this is hard for you. I
believe in you. You have what it takes to do this.’ So I decided to stay, and
I went on to gain tremendous strength from that retreat. That touch was the
turning point."
You don’t even need to speak or touch someone to help
them. You can serve simply by the energy of your being. Emerson noted, "Who
you are speaks to me so loudly that I can hardly hear what you are saying."
At every moment we radiate empowerment or discouragement simply by the feelings
we dwell in.
One day while I was standing in line at a deli counter, I
noticed a woman in a line beside mine. She kept looking at me as if she knew me.
I didn’t recognize her, so I just kept moving ahead. When we finally arrived
at the counter at the same time, the woman turned to me and asked, "Why are
you so happy?" Her question took me by surprise. I wasn’t thinking about
being happy or even trying. "I guess I’m just glad to be here and
alive," I answered. "How about you?" I asked her. "How is
your day going?"
She thought for a moment and then answered, "Well, it
wasn’t going so well. But now that I saw you, I feel a lot better." We
both smiled and went on our ways. As I thought more about her comment, I
realized it was the most meaningful compliment I could ever receive. Just being
was healing.
I have experienced such healing simply by seeing a
peaceful person for a moment. One day I was rushing through an airport when I
noticed a man who looked unusually serene. His face was soft, his gait was
light, and his demeanor felt comforting. In that moment my energy shifted from
anxious hurry to deep peace. Though he will never know it, he taught me that
airports are not necessarily stressful. Stressful thoughts are more dangerous
than airports. If we choose healing thoughts, we become a beacon of peace in
dense or dark places.
A friend went to pick up a revered rabbi from the airport.
As the two drove toward the tollbooths to exit the airport parking lot, my
friend had to choose between an automatic payment lane and a lane manned by an
attendant. "Take the lane where you pay a person," the rabbi urged
him. "Why is that?" asked my friend. "Because any opportunity to
make contact with another human being is a blessing from God," answered the
rabbi.
In this light, all of our interactions is a prayer. There
are no chance encounters and no small meetings. Everyone we meet is sent to us
by God for a noble purpose. Every relationship, no matter how brief, is an
invitation to connect. As we remember to keep love first, we have our priorities
in order and we might even save someone’s life — beginning with our own.