Fibromyalgia, Aching For Love

By Celia Sue Hecht

You know those t-shirts: “My parents went to Hawaii and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.” As a child, I felt everyone else received something in life that I missed. I took my good health for granted despite my family’s assorted illnesses. Dad had a heart condition, my brother was sick all winter with bronchitis and long-lasting nose bleeds. My mother had asthma and ulcers. At a visit to an eye doctor, I was the only one who didn’t need eyeglasses so I made a decision I would get glasses so I could fit in. 

I didn’t realize then my immune system had already been severely compromised by not having been breastfed, by having my tonsils taken out at age three, and because of the abuse I lived with on a daily basis. At age 19, I became seriously ill with mononucleosis. I was off work three months, almost hospitalized for dehydration and for the next few years, I had to sleep 12-14 hours a night or I’d suffer from sore throats and swollen glands. 

I still maintained a busy schedule but was plagued by low energy, depression, fatigue, nausea, cystitis, headaches, chronic bladder and yeast infections, constipation and diarrhea. Still, I tried not to pay too much attention to my body. The cure I decided was for me to move from New York to California. I thought that would solve my problems (being 3,000 miles away from my family).

I regularly took antibiotics, sometimes 10-12 Excedrin a day, and slept a lot. My symptoms seemed to wax and wane depending upon my emotions. I noticed that if I was fighting with my parents, my symptoms flared. When things were calm, I felt better.

I moved to Los Angeles in the early 70’s and my symptoms completely abated in 1975 after taking a transformational seminar. I soon became a seminar leader and regularly slept 3-4 hours a night and swollen glands and sore throats became a thing of the past. It wasn’t until I taught preschool in the 1980’s that I became constantly sick with colds, flu’s, asthma and infections to the point where I had to quit my job.

In the late 1980’s, traveling around the world, including living one year in India, I experienced a few health problems that were resolved easily through taking herbal supplements, vitamins, change of diet and Ayurvedic remedies.

In 1996, my body finally said enough is enough and my life came to a halt. I felt like Job and am still thankful that no locusts or plagues found me. During this dark night of the soul, three family members passed, I went through a painful divorce, lost my job, was rear-ended in a car accident and lost my two cats (fur babies). Just after the car accident, during a light massage, while I was screaming, a friend suggested I might have Fibromyalgia.

When I went to see a chiropractor, I mentioned fibro and he did the American College of Rheumatology’s tender points examination. Sixteen out of the18 tender points were painful (over 11 is considered a diagnosis for Fibromyalgia).

At times I wanted to end my life because the pain seemed too much. What reason was there for getting up in the morning? Being able to sleep only in short spurts, and waking up to feeling as though I’d been run over by a Mack truck, contributed to my overwhelming sense of loss, hopelessness, helplessness and grief. I wanted to die so I wouldn’t have to feel anymore. I wanted to numb out, go to sleep and never wake up again. Physically and emotionally exhausted, I finally stopped and asked, “Why is this happening to me ? Why am I here?” I needed answers from above.

This began my healing process. The first intuitive guidance I received was that I had a lot of shame related to the abuse I experienced. I subsequently did many meditations to lift and heal the shame and began to pray for healing of the shame every night before I went to sleep.

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