Dear Friends of In Light Times, Love and light to you. This is the month of romance, and as I pondered this month's interview I was immediately prompted to call Marcie and Wayne Dyer. After spending time in their presence,I was inspired! I know their devotion for one another is genuine, and that their love is one of a kind. Proudly, I offer this month's column as a gift of love to the hearts of all who read it. kp: Marcie,hi sweetie, how are you today? md: Great, how are you? kp: I'm doing well. You know, I remember from our interview last year that you actually met Wayne on Valentine's Day. How very romantic! Marcie, can you tell me how your understanding and definition of love has changed over the past 18 years the two of you have been together? md: Well, my understanding of love in the beginning was that it was something very simple, commencing only with a lovely physical attraction. From there I believed love grew in peacefulness and timeliness. Today I understand that love is for everyone and everything. My definition for love is now total acceptance; total surrender to Wayne as a human being. His needs come first. That is the way that I love him and my children on that intimate level and through giving of myself in this way I find my greatest satisfaction in life. kp: Marcie, that was beautifully put. How does Wayne help to bring out the best in you? md: He supports me in most unusual ways. For example, Kathryn, I had a desire to write a book on my experiences as I have come to have seven children. Because he was with me through five of them, Wayne was awe struck just by the way that I approached it. Of course, I never saw anything different from what any other mother would go through. So when he told me he thought I should write a book, I was astounded to think that he thought I possessed potential. It was such a beautiful way for me to see that he had a faith in me that I didn't have in myself. It was really a moving and uplifting experience. kp: Have you completed your book? wd: I'm in the process. It's a long journey for me because of being the mother of seven with five still at home. Truly, it's an overwhelmingly big job, as you know. And, as I stated earlier, my family will always come first. In fact, the only goal I ever had in my life was to be a mother. kp: Yes, we have talked about that often. We both agree that motherhood is one of the holiest, most sacred tasks a woman can devote her life to and once the commitment is made, it's for life. Marcie, when do you think you'll have the book finished? wd: I'm going to have it finished this year, and I believe it will be called, One Woman's Journey Into Motherhood. kp: I do look forward to reading it. Marcie, please share with us what you feel is the secret to your marital success? md: The secret is acceptance. The acceptance of who we are. When I first met Wayne, I was not interested in a long term relationship with him. We shared a friendship and the friendship blossomed into quite a love. Wayne and I are very different. It has been inspiring for me to reach out to that kind of difference. I think the secret of our success is that we allow one another to be who we are. There are not demands for change. You know, Wayne is not a handyman he will never be a handyman. So, if I need something done around the house, I hire it out and he supports that financially. I don't complain that he's not like my father or like the men in my life that I've known before. And he never will be. One time he spilled something and he just decided that he would vacuum it up. But he didn't know how to plug the vacuum in, he had the wrong end on the hose it was hysterical watching him attempt this! As I witnessed it, I realized this is the man I love that's what I love. Around the house, my husband is comedy in action laughter. kp: I love it, Wayne is comedy in action laughter. wd: When he's writ-ing, he is the writer, focused and serious. On stage he is the poet and philosopher. At home he's the klutzy, comedy routine and this endears him to me in the most incredible way. kp: So you see all aspects of his humanness and you embrace them? wd: Oh gosh, I sure do. I honor every-thing about this man. kp: Marcie, you said you realized that your understanding of love had changed because you had to surrender to it. What does that mean to you exactly? md: Wayne has made mistakes and those mistakes have been painful for me. Yet I saw that the mistake was not the whole sum of the man. The mistake was a very small part of who he is. I reached out to that larger Wayne Dyer; not the small one that tripped over life temporarily and fell down. What I came to realize, most importantly, was that no matter what, Wayne was worthy of my love. He was worthy of greater love coming from me than to turn away from him because he was not living up to my expectations of him, at the moment. We were married on January 25th. That day is called the day of destiny though we didn't know it at the time. Yet, finding this out actually helped me to embrace Wayne in his weakest moments rather than walking away from him. I surrendered to my love for this man and I helped him get back up and go to the top again. Today he has more to share with the world than ever before. I am very, very proud of my husband, Kathryn. As I look back on it now, I see that his weaknesses were blessings that guided us both to the rediscovery of our greatest strengths. kp: There's a lot of talk these days about people finding soulmates and twin flames. Is that a concept you believe in and if so, do you think Wayne is your twin flame? md: You know, he probably is though I haven't really thought about it before. But we do vibrate perfectly together. Yes, that does feel right for in our silent moments it's just as powerful between us as in our very verbal communicative ones. Is Wayne my twin flame? I would have to say that is true. kp: When challenges arise in your relationship, as they do in all relationships, Marcie, do you have a formula for dealing with them after all this time? md: Yes, I do. I wait a day. I don't know what happens, but at night things look so one dimensional. When I sleep on it, the next morning I have whole new per-spective, a whole new view. So, I have learned not to verbalize what I'm thinking immediately because it could be very strong, it could come out of nowhere and it could be very unfair. I actually have learned to wait it out until I have this whole feeling complete not just the night time feeling but the next morning, the next afternoon. Then I will say to him, "I know this isn't something that you may want to hear me say to you, it may not be comfortable for either one of us, but I have to talk to you about something that's bothering me." In this way I prepare him for understanding that's it's not going to be easy but we need to talk about it and that works! His guard goes down and he's receptive. Actually, I've learned a lot from John Gray's books. kp: Oh, isn't he marvelous? md: Yes, he's fabulous. Because of his books and books like his, people are trying now to work out their problems, not just slip out of a marriage but work it out. If we can get to the root of our problems it is possible to find a happy medium and stay committed. People are really working at that today. I can see it every-where around me. My friends are saying, we're not going to separate, we're going to try and work it out! More and more, couples want to stay married, they want to remain committed to one another. This is so positive and John Gray has helped to give us the tools to do just that. John Gray taught me that Wayne is going to listen differently than I would listen. So, I'm trying to be more clear; a straight arrow for him to get it without a lot of emotional, girlie stuff like the tearrs all which men don't really appreciate. When we do that, they're so hurt by our hurt that they can't hear us. So, I've learned a lot and communicating is very impor-tant to me. kp:What are the three keys to keeping the romance and passion alive in your relationship with Wayne? md: Both Wayne and I like to stay physically fit so one of those keys is always keeping our physical appearance on a healthy modem. Staying healthy and strong is important because we have a big responsibility with eight children. We always want to be good role models. We also have a date night. One day a week we go to a movie or have dinner alone. It's been a wonderful experiment. We're allowed to say whatever we want to each other on this day. All subjects are allowed, there are no hidden or taboo subjects. We can discuss anything we want and the other one has to be receptive and non- judgmental. In a lot of ways it's renewed our relationship. We also have a lot of comedy in our life. kp: It sounds like laughter is a very important ingredient in your relationship. md:Indeed, both of us enjoy light-hearted laughter and our children bring a lot of laughter into our lives. kp: How do the children help the marriage evolve? md: They're great teachers. They force us to look honestly at our strengths and weaknesses. They strengthen us in lots and lots of ways their love, their friendship, their little passions. Our youngest one still loves to crawl in our bed at night, she loves to lay with her head on me to go to sleep they're such precious little beings. Also, we're all very athletic so we have great games of basketball on the patio and soccer games, too. We bought a Karoke machine for Christmas and that has been great fun. We just have so much to share because of them. We have a lot of communication on all different levels because we have them from first grade up to graduating from college this year and then we have an older daughter too. They each allow us to look at the examples we are setting as human beings. kp: What things do you do just for Marcie that enhance your relationship with Wayne? Activities separate from the family that help you be a better lover and mate. md: I do a lot of silent meditation but beyond that I just sit in the silence to get clear on who I am and what I want to give Wayne and the children. I also do color puncture work with wands that have interchangeable color ends. These colored lights are glided across parts of the face and head to facilitate healing on many levels. Color, of course, is very healing, penetrating to a cellular level. I do this about once a week to recharge my batteries and I try to read a lot of spiritual material, Kathryn. I'm a person who spends a lot of time on her knees praying, getting in touch with the Source for guidance to be a better wife, a better mother, a better lover, a better friend, and daughter. I just reach out and ask for help and I'm not embarrassed or afraid to do that. kp: Marcie, does Wayne's constant traveling help or hinder the relationship? md: It helps because Wayne and I are both independent people and this allows us to have the freedom to do whatever we want on those days when he's not here. During those days I'm Marcie. Then when he comes back I'm still Marcie, but I'm also his wife always very supportive of him. So, there's like a nice balance when he's coming and going. I honestly think that it helps our relationship to be stronger because I don't take him for granted. I'm aware that he's not always going to be here, not in any morbid sense, just on a daily basis. So it allows me to appreciate him more fully when he's here. I also appreciate the little phone calls that he makes to me from wherever he is throughout the day. I know he always wants to connect with me, he always wants me to know what he's doing and where he is. He wants me to know we're okay and that he misses us. I appreciate that more than anything. kp: You've written a book together called, A Promise Is A Promise. Tell me about it and why did you want to write this story? What does it mean to you personally? md:The story of Edwarda and her mother, Kaye O'Bara, was pointedly special to me because I'm a mother who would have followed in the footsteps of Kaye. I would have given up everything to care for my child. Kaye gave birth to a child who was perfectly healthy, but developed diabetes at the age of 15. By 16 the diabetes created such a serious health problem that Edwarda slipped into a coma. Today, Edwarda is an adult of 43, but she needs to be taken care of like an infant that cannot move. Kaye has never abandoned this job. It is the fulfillment of a promise that I believe she had to have made before she came to Earth with Edwarda. I also know that she had a choice and she choose to be there for her child no matter what it took, no matter what God put before her. She is a woman who never complained. When her daughter went into the coma, even six years later when her beloved husband, her twin flame, suffered a fatal heart attack at their dining room table, she never asked, "why me?" She stayed firmly anchored in her faith. After hearing about her story, Wayne and I had the good fortune of meeting Kaye and Edwarda. The moment I stepped into their home I felt the presence of God. I was deeply affected. I saw over the period of months that we would visit with them that my life with Wayne was simplifying itself. Stupid little problems that would come up once in while would just dissolve. They became meaningless. Being in the company of someone like Kaye, whose devotion is so beyond anything we could ever imagine, helped me to allow the little problems in my life to simply melt away. kp: As a couple what are your dreams or hopes for future projects together? md: We haven't really discussed that, but Wayne can't wait until my book is finished. I know he would like me share my life's work with the world and we don't talk much beyond that. kp: Marcie, because this is the Valentine issue, describe for me what would be the perfect Valentine's Day you could share with Wayne if you could do anything that you wanted to do? md: I think it would be that Wayne and I would go into a rehab center, somewhere in the world, where people are falling apart in their lives. I would love to share with them our story of climbing back from the situation of substance abuse Wayne experienced and has written about openly. I would want to assure those struggling with the same problem that they possess all the strength they need within them. I believe Wayne conquered substance abuse because he knew that he was loved. Like Mother Theresa said to someone who wanted to do something for her, "all I need for you to do is to go out on the street and find someone who feels alone and let them know that they are not alone." I 'd like Wayne and I do that kp: Oh, Marcie, you are so very precious. md: Thank you. kp: You're welcomed, and thank you for taking the time today to do this interview. md: Thank you so much for including me, Kathryn. that is so precious of you. |
