Make Peace with the Past
to Enjoy Your Life Now!
By Deborah Fairfull

Unresolved issues from the past can stop us from living the life we would like to lead. If we find ourselves constantly sabotaging us, or feeling stuck in life, it is possible that unresolved issues from the past are holding us back!

Making peace with the past helps us to experience the present more fully. Negative thoughts about the past can consume us, making us feel heavy and tired. Carrying resentment from unresolved issues (often these are unconscious) can block the joy of experiencing the present moment. Confronting, accepting, and integrating any unresolved issues within can help to improve our day-to-day experience of life. The energy used to hold down or repress unhappy memories will instead be released, allowing us to feel lighter and happier in the present moment.

Our body wants to be well and happy and gives lessons to guide us towards this natural state. For example, we might find ourselves feeling overlooked at work. We leave and find we are overlooked at the next place we work. When we stop blaming the external situation—work—and see it as a reoccurring pattern within us, we will be able to make some lasting changes. By confronting the feeling of being overlooked, (which we may have felt at various stages throughout our life) we get to the core of the issue. We may have come from a large family and constantly felt overlooked, for example. The patterns we carry are reflected in our outer world. As it is within, so it is without.

It can be beneficial to heal any former traumas if we did not have a chance to do so at the time they occurred. For example, if we suffered abuse while we were young, we may find it difficult as an adult to trust other adults. However, by coming to peace with our feelings around the incident and letting them go, and by understanding the incident was beyond our control and absolutely not a reflection of us, it will help to form more loving relationships as an adult.

A neutral sounding board, such as a therapist, can be effective to help release unresolved feelings around traumas by helping understand our unconscious behavioral patterns. A good therapist lovingly facilitates the discovery of solutions from our wisdom.

Acceptance and forgiveness are powerful tools in achieving inner peace. Insight and understanding will help us see that people do the best they can with the skills they have at the time, and this applies to us as well! Seeing and understanding are the way to love and compassion. When we view our own and others’ humanness with kindness, we become more peaceful and loving.

Everyone has a past. The difference is whether we let our past unconsciously drive us to act out behaviors that we later regret or to be involved in situations that make us unhappy. Unhealthy relationships, drinking problems, gambling, smoking, overworking and/or overeating are examples of behaviors people engage in to stop experiencing painful feelings. This ultimately only numbs the feelings and prolongs the healing process. If addictions have formed in the areas of alcohol, drugs, and/or gambling, for example, professional groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous may be required. They are experts in providing loving support and teaching life skills.

Understanding our past and how it affects our behaviors helps us live life with greater awareness. We will no longer try to escape from ourselves or the feelings that we don’t understand and have kept buried because they don’t feel good. It’s important to validate how we feel about things, to remove the emotional charge around certain situations. An emotional charge around something can give us strong positive or negative feelings that can drive our behavior.

Accepting our past helps us understand the way it has shaped our unique character, giving us depth and insights that we may not have otherwise experienced. Life’s journey can be a wonderful teacher, helping us develop compassion, expand awareness, and open the heart.

Deborah Fairfull has been both a student and teacher of  psychology and philosophy for over 20 years and is the author of, Bliss Every Day: A Practical Guide to Find Peace and Happiness. For more information, visit: www.DeborahFairfull.com